LOVE

Now that I have spent the last year and a half relearning how to love myself, I am truly astounded by how easy it is to love others and not judge. I am not talking about "romantic" love here. I am talking about unconditional love, respect, appreciation, gratitude for all beings, even the ones that are hard to love! Once I came to the realization that talking down to myself just wasn't working anymore (oh, and that it truly was all bullshit that I was saying to myself anyhow!!), it opened my eyes, my heart, and my mind to so much more.

I just spent 9 days with my parents and had a wholly different experience than ever before. The jugment, the criticism, the expectations just started to roll away. I finally can see them for the loving, giving, accepting parents that they are. We all are on the path, our paths all look different, but who are we to judge another's? We all are doing the best with what we have and what we know. I've said this numerous times, but everyone is our teacher. My parents teach me patience, acceptance, nonjudgment, and so much more. If not for them, I wouldn't even exist! Neither would Lily!

Check in with yourself...is it time for a lesson in love?

"Spiritual love has no desire to get but only to give, no goal except to awaken itself within others, no need except to share itself. Being unconditional, it never fails or falters. Being endless, it embraces everyone."

It's okay to be neurotic

Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves, our own judge and jury, myself included. If we lose our tempers, yell at our children, swear at another driver and flip them off (I just had to include that for a friend of mine!), we think we're bad, a bad parent, a rotten spouse, friend, fill in the blank. I had a conversation with my friend Max tonight, wherein he reminded me that it's okay to be neurotic. We slip in and out of neuroses, and it's perfectly natural. Here are some words to describe neurotic!:
anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism.

Boy, haven't we all experienced one (or more than one!) of these before, if not multiple times, in our lives? Guess what? It's OKAY...We're human. We're in tune enough to not get stuck. We let the feelings engulf us and then move on. We don't convince ourselves that nothing is more important than the stuck place we find ourselves in (our neuroses!)

Now open your arms wide, then wrap them around to the back of your shoulder blades and squeeze tightly. Give yourself a loving hug and be grateful for your neuroses, every damn one of them.

What others think about me is none of my business!

How much time and energy do you give to worrying about what others think about you? How often do you speak half-truths because of fear of judgment by another? Or speak words just to please and gain appreciation and (what you perceive to be) love?

This once again comes down to our own thoughts about our self-worth. The person you need to please, respect, love, and appreciate first is yourself. Then you won't find yourself doing or saying things to please others. You ultimately won't give a shit about their thoughts, especially the negative ones! They become meaningless to your beautiful journey through a life well lived (and lived honestly).

"You see, you're giving others too much power as you even acknowledge how they make you feel. What you've got to decide is how I'M going to feel." ~Abraham

The Mirror

Wow, I have so much to report! It's been 2 days. On Saturday night I went to an event in Colorado Springs where my new friend, and quite the amazing woman, Diane Israel, talked and showed her short film "Beauty Mark" to 60 women!! Her film is about her battle with anorexia and exercise bullemia. Her message, in a really small nutshell, is about what she calls embodyment. Being happy with yourself and your body. Stop comparing, stop telling yourself you're fat, ugly, dumb, not good enough, on and on and on. We are the ones imposing our own limits. Get out of your own way! I sobbed through a good many portions of this film.

That morning I had gone to another of my favorite yoga instructor, Richi Jai's, class. We sat on the mat, closed our eyes, faced our palms up on our knees (this is the "receiving" mode; palms down to go deeper within), and he said "It's all about acceptance, which is pretty hard to do with a large mirror in front of you, but the image in the mirror is distorted. It's not the real you."

Within the past year I have done a complete 360. I have dropped the sport of triathlon from my life and absolutely have not looked back. I have done the soul-searching journey about why I was competing and if it really, truly, and honestly brought me joy. I hope to become a role model for others struggling with self-concept, identity, self-worth, healing. I look in the mirror and see a healthier, wiser, softer Juli

Eckhart Tolle says there's one short line on your tombstone between the year you were born and the year you die...how will you fill it?