I had a serious meltdown last week...my mom was visiting, helping me out with my daughter so I could get work done, exercise for my sanity, and be prepared for my yoga teacher training test-out. She's an incredible woman. She loves me with no strings attached. No, not all moms possess this quality! So thankfully she rubbed my shoulders as I screamed and cried and threw my tantrum. I'm sure it took her back, well, a gazillion years to my youth.
See, I'm a totally independent woman now. I'm a single mom, I found my own place to live, moved all my belongings, work 3 jobs, bought a new car, fix minor repairs, etc., etc. Last week my otherwise reliable car didn't start twice, I'm working double-time and have been in teacher training for 8 weeks, waking at all hours of the night and early morning teaching classes!! See, I was used to relying on another human being to help me through this sort of stuff. I had been for 11 years. Gone...Done...Over...Step up, Juli. And step up I have. But without an occasional tantrum (I also threw my car keys while in my car and have a nice spider crack in my windshield! Sweet!), how would I still convince myself I'm human? How would I continue to move forward? Simply put: I WOULDN'T.
I'm proud of myself. My daughter, my mom, and all my friends, male and female, are proud of me...and love me despite my occasional blowup! Wow, I think I CAN do this!
"I recently ran across a story about a Native American tribal leader describing his own inner struggles. He said, 'There are two dogs inside me. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.' Someone asked him which dog usually wins. After a moment's reflection, he answered, 'The one I feed the most.'~Rabbi Harold S. Kushner
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment