That's the title of a book by one of my favorite teachers, Pema Chodron, which I find myself immersed in. Now if I can just get comfortable with uncertainty! She tells me over and over again to remember it's a process, be gentle with myself, I'm beauty unfolding, I'm the lotus. (I've decided to get a lotus tatooted on my body...somewhere private, just for me.)
My divorce, after 11 years of marriage, was final last Monday, down slammed the gavel, chink-chink went the "official," certified stamp on the stacks of paper, all within 25 minutes! So strange, isn't it? Yes, there were tears (only shed by me, of course), yes, there's still some lingering anger at the lies and betrayal, but not so much so anymore as to hold me back. But there lingers that fear of the great unknown. I suppose someone going through divorce isn't alone in fear of the future. That's why I cut myself some slack for these feelings and just notice them instead of wallow in them.
Bodhichitta is defined as that jewel buried deep within us, our truth, our open heart. Pema says that although absolute bodhichitta is our natural state, we are intimidated by its unconditional openness. Our heart feels so vulnerable and tender that we fabricate walls to protect it. It takes work just to see the walls and a gentle approach to dismantling them. The key is to keep opening our hearts to suffering without shutting down.
Pema and Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche call all the situations in our lives, even the most mundane, "vehicles for awakening." And I'm in the driver's seat.
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