RIGHT NOW!

"The content of your vibration equals how you feel right now. And whether you're thinking about the past, the present, or the future, how you feel right now -- as you think about the past, the present, or the future -- is your life. And it's a precious, fabulous, creative life that you are not wanting to squander in a place of resistance. Your life is right now" ~Abraham

We all vibrate! We can either vibrate at a high-energy frequency or a low-energy frequency. And you welcome more of that type of energy into your life, depending on which you choose.

So which do YOU choose? And, yes, it IS your choice. Choose wisely.

Peace...

Words to Live By

Here are my words to live by as I go through this metamorphosis(defined as a profound change in form from one stage to the next): Surrender, faith, and trust.

Let's start with surrender: to relinquish control
Next is faith: confident belief or trust in the truth
And finally, trust: confident expectation of something; hope; to believe

I'm willing to surrender my hold on the past and my wanting things to be a certain way. I have faith that the Universe is honorable and that there is magnificence in my future. I trust that the pain of this process shall pass and I will become stronger, wiser, more compassionate, and alive.

"Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there." ~Author Unknown

Snowstorm

We woke up to a foot of snow that had fallen overnight, and it's still coming down. School was cancelled. The power went out! I was feeling the need to be close to friends (and not stuck on the mountain!), so Lily and I came to town to hang out at Sarah's house. Lily and her daughter Whitney are buddies. We have Littlest Pet Shop and tons of movies!

We took the situation we were faced with and made a decision to take care of ourselves. It's actually quite simple. Don't stall, don't second-guess, just think it through logically and make a decision and stick with it! With loving kindness and trust, all is well.

Remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons. Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible. ~ Dr. Cherie Carter Scott

Yoga II

I am blessed to live in Boulder where there are some amazingly gifted yoga instructors. My favorite is Trista. She opens her mouth and beauty and grace and wisdom just flows, unimpeded, honestly, freely. She is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever encountered. I took her noon class today, a cloudy, dark day in Boulder. I'm on a quest to do yoga 5 plus days a week for the next month. Here's a few noteworthy words of wisdom, a la Trista!

Meditation calls for RADICAL self-acceptance. Lay out all the demons, the ugliness, the insecurities, lay it all out there, folks. That negative talk may be in your head, but guess what? YOU DON'T HAVE TO BELIEVE IT!

May all beings find freedom from the roots of pain and grow tall from the roots of joy...sat nam, Trista

The Lotus Flower

The beautiful flower from my post yesterday is the lotus. I love this flower for its spiritual symbolism:

Lotus flowers are amazing and have strong symbolic ties to many Asian religions especially throughout India. The lotus flower starts as a small flower down at the bottom of a pond in the mud and muck. It slowly grows up towards the water's surface continually moving towards the light. Once it comes to the surface, the lotus flower begins to blossom and turn into a beautiful flower.

People also grow and change into something more beautiful! So this symbol represents the struggle of life at its most basic form. The lotus flower is also symbolic for people who have gone through a hard time and are now coming out of it. Like the flower, they have been at the bottom, in the muddy, yucky dirty bottom of the pond but have risen above this to display an object of beauty or a life of beauty, as the case might be. Thus, the lotus flower also represents a hard time in life that has been overcome.

Om Mani Padme Hum!!!

Perfect Timing

A friend just sent this to me: Your life purpose is on the other side of the biggest issue you are trying to heal. You must first go through the healing before you can truly access your sole purpose.

Mourning

Yes, that's mourning, not morning! I truly am feeling the emotions that come with mourning now. Mourning the death of an 11-year relationship. I'm feeling it all: hurt, anger, sorrow, betrayal, confusion, and more. I plopped to the curb outside my car and sobbed uncontrollably. I called my amazing friend Sarah, who of course told me to come right over. She held me, she made me tea, she was my sister, my friend when I felt so all alone. She reminded me she's not worried about me! She knows the beautiful goddess strength, love, and wisdom I possess but sometimes forget because I'm too busy RESISTING. Did you know that when we resist our experience, resist the present moment, resist our life's unfolding that equals STRESS? We must somehow accept the present moment. That does not mean we cannot change our lives. It allows us to see CLEARLY what NEEDS to be changed. And it's a journey. But a journey to the experiences that we desire.

"When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." - Lao Tzu

Make the Best of it!

Make the best of it. When you make the best of whatever you're focused upon, your future will be better than your now. If each moment you're making the best of what is, no matter what it is, you make the best of it; make the best of it; make the best of it. Your future just gets better and better and better and better. Abraham-Hicks, Boulder, CO 2003

Sometimes that's easier said than done, I admit. In yoga today, one of my favorite teachers, Stephen, asked us to become the noticer; just notice what our minds and bodies were telling us. Don't judge, scold, fight; just notice. He asked us to become soft in our strength, not to be rigid in a pose; make the best of where we are, in this moment. My favorite line is, It's yoga practice, not yoga perfect. This applies to life, period! Namaste!

TEARS

Tears well up in my eyes.
They're warm on my cheeks.
They burn my already bloodshot eyes.
I try to conceal them (this time).
Lily's in the back seat.
Mommy, are you crying?
No...Yes.
Mommy, why are you crying?
Shit, now she's crying.
I don't know. Sometimes I just cry...and I don't know the reason.
Is that okay? Do you do that sometimes?
Yes.
I love you so much.
I love you too, mommy.

Face to Face, Eye to Eye, Hand to Hand, Heart to Heart

This is the way I prefer to communicate. With all the latest technology, we've lost touch with each other. We text, email, make phone calls, but don't spend much time in the presence of others, communicating face to face. There is so much lost in the depth, passion, energy, and truth of communication in this fashion. Assumptions are made, misinterpretation runs rampant, truth is questioned.

Think back on some hurtful things you have said to someone you love or once loved (believe me, you always will love that person in some fashion!). If you had had open, honest, face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart communication from the start, do you think the hurtful, unkind words would still flow so freely? I doubt it! (stupidity has a price...you should show more care and wisdom next time)

~ The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives ~ Anthony Robbins

Sat Nam

Asato Ma

Asato ma

Sat gamaya

Tamaso Maa Jyotir Gamaya

Mrityor Maa Amritham Gamaya

Lead me from the unreal to the real

Lead me from darkness to light

Lead me from death to immortality

Alignment of personality with the soul

Wow, what a heavy thought. Is my personality in alignment with my soul? How would I know if it is? My emotions! I must be aware moment by moment of what I am feeling and the decisions I am making. Once again, awareness is the key here. Turning inward and exploring. Without awareness of our emotions, aren't we just drifting? Being thrown about by the waves of our experiences? Reacting based on past programming? Our emotions are our teachers, painful, blissful, angry, happy, you name it.

Next time you experience an emotion, feel it! Make note of where you feel it, how you are feeling (blissful, peaceful, restless), if you've felt it often, and begin to contemplate its message. Meditate, meditate, meditate!

Hands

"My hands are small I know but they're not yours they are my own, but they're not yours they are my own, and I am never broken...In the end, only kindness matters...I will get down on my knees and I will pray..." Jewel

So as Jewel is singing about so symbollically (and beautifully), what I choose to do with my hands, my heart, my life is up to me. It's not contingent on anyone else, any circumstance or anything external to me! And, yes, kindness and grace will get you through anything life throws your way. Try it! And of course humbling yourself; getting down on your knees; getting vulnerable; asking the Universe for all your desires to be fulfilled. No matter how small we feel, they're OUR hands, and we can work miracles!

Om mani padme hum

Diwali: celebration of our inner light

On Saturday night, I went to the Eldorado Canyon Yoga Ashram for an hour-long chant in celebration of Diwali, or Festival of Lights in India. Here is a brief explanation:

While Diwali is popularly known as the "festival of lights," the most significant spiritual meaning is "the awareness of the inner light." Central to Hindu philosophy is the assertion that there is something beyond the physical body and mind which is pure, infinite, and eternal, called the Atman. Just as we celebrate the birth of our physical being, Diwali is the celebration of this inner light, in particular the knowing of which outshines all darkness (removes all obstacles and dispels all ignorance), awakening the individual to one's true nature, not as the body, but as the unchanging, infinite, immanent and transcendent reality. With the realization of the Atman comes universal compassion, love, and the awareness of the oneness of all things (higher knowledge). This brings Ananda (inner joy or peace).

Isn't that beautiful? Isn't that worth celebrating? (and they do, in India, for FIVE DAYS!)

If you've never chanted or meditated, you're missing out on an amazingly powerful practice. Start out with 5 minutes a day even. Don't expect miracles, don't expect perfection, just be! Quiet your mind, light some candles, sit on a comfy cushion, listen to your breath or repeat a mantra that either has some meaning for you or just vibrates with the rhythm of your soul.

Let your light shine! You ARE beautiful! You ARE divine! You ARE perfection!

My Teacher: A Duck on the Boulder Creek!

I decided to meditate on Friday down at the Boulder Creek, considering the glorious day we were blessed with. (and today is even better!!) Thank you, God! The creek is loaded with ducks right now, and I sat and watched one duck in particular. He kept hanging out in the current, right at the top of a small waterfall. All the other ducks were hanging out to the side of the current, just, well, hanging out. This guy was floating backwards, then struggling against the current to get back to where he started. He did this over and over and over. When he got back to his original starting point each time, he would flap his wings almost in aggravation!

I laughed at his folly, but then said, JuliBell, how are you any different? Who are you to laugh at this behavior when you emulate it yourself at times? What behavior am I talking about? Trying to change what is; fighting the fight; struggling; wishing things were different instead of just going with the flow, loving what is, accepting that the Universe is honorable.

Thank you, Duck! I've decided to name you Buddha!

Walking Through the Fire

I had tea with one of my beautiful friends today, and she used the expression, "You have to walk through the fire," meaning feel the sadness, face the fear, experience the pain, mourne my loss, but not let it become my identity. Meaning, then MOVE ON! Duh! I mentioned this in a previous post, but it's so worth mentioning again (and again and again...). Obviously this takes time, and some days are easier than others. But I am positive that this too shall pass, and abundance and brillance await.

So many times incredible opportunities to learn, grow, and teach come our way, but we're so caught up in anger, grief, blame, or hate to realize the gift we've been given. Ask yourself, has this pattern served me well in the past? What glorious gifts have been placed at my feet, but I stepped right over them, never noticing?

Bloom Where you are Planted

We're all right where we are supposed to be...we are simply perfect. Stop wanting to be somewhere else: hiding; escaping; pretending. We're so programmed to dwell either in the past or planning and worrying about the future. If pain is here, we want to be there.

Be gentle with yourself as you work through this blooming, blossoming, opening, growing path to beauty.

"Our purpose on this Earth is to grow. To grow spiritually is to bloom; it is to have the sweetness develop within you"...Rumi

RAW

I feel as if someone punched me in the stomach...close to vomiting all the time.
An elephant is sitting on my chest, squeezing my heart so that it aches.
My mind races, imagines, guesses, assumes. It's hard to focus, meditate.
My yoga is my savior. It feels like home. That's the only place that does right now.

"We hold on to hope, and hope robs us of the present moment." pema chodron
Om mani padme hum

All of the Dharma is based on Buddha's discovery that suffering is unnecessary

Receiving

Goodness, Lily and I flew out of the house this morning because I actually got some sleep between 4:56 and 6:45! I'm usually up writing, meditating, chanting well before 6:45. Yay, me! I got some much-needed sleep.

That's what got me thinking about receiving. I went to bed TELLING MYSELF I was going to sleep well. (need I say more?? Okay, I will, because I can't help myself) There's a book called Ask and It Is Given. It is one that I keep by my bedside. I can flip to any page in there and know what I need to do: Trust the process. It will always become clear what it is I am supposed to learn, what it is I am supposed to teach, how it is I am supposed to grow. Who am I to get in the way of the Universe's grander plan for me?

TRUST, TRUST, TRUST. I know, we've all had people in our lives that have broken that trust and we think we can never trust again. I say BOO to that. That's just the ego trying to hold you back and keep you stuck. Give that ego a smack in the head and say, shut up!

In the words of Carl Jung, "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart."

One Last Thought Before I Go to Bed With...

...a book filled with spiritual wisdom!

Don't forget to tell someone, I love you...I'm thankful for you...don't be a selfish egomaniac with your unconditional loving kindness. Thank you for those that shared that with me today!

Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu. Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

take a yoga class

If you really want to open your heart and mourne a loss, a death, whatever your pain might be, take a yoga class! I am consistently brought to tears in my practice while going through this painful period in my life. There are poses/asanas called "heart openers." Boy, they weren't kidding. The point is to expand your chest, thus opening your heart to the world. No longer can you be closed-hearted. It just doesn't serve you well!

I walked out of class (should have grabbed more than one tissue) and cried so hard, just when I thought I couldn't anymore. But, see, that's a GOOD thing, even a STELLAR thing! I am actually facing my pain, acknowledging my pain, living my pain. That is the only way to healing. Gary Zukav says that in the deep layers below anger are fear, pain, and lack of self-worth...that ugly stuff we just don't want to face. That's why anger keeps appearing and reappearing. You don't start by dealing with your anger; deal with what's hidden deep in the layers below it.

So grab a box of tissues, a notepad, and get real with yourself!

Fog

I woke up this morning, after restless night of tossing around with my thoughts, to my home at 8000 feet enshrouded in fog. Everything is pure white from the snow. It got me contemplating "fog." How many of us walk around in a fog? A daze? Not present? Call it what you will. It's not being aware, not being fully present, not noticing. I discovered this was the way I had been leading my life for quite some time. I consider myself fortunate to have noticed this and begun my awakening. I had built walls around myself (my heart); I shut down, keeping my thoughts, pain, fears to myself. I forgot to slow down and notice. I forgot to be thankful for the many blessings in my life.

Remember the one thing about the fog: it always lifts and reveals the beauty it was hiding.

The Tree of Self-Realization

In the branches...purpose, joy, contentment, health, self-motivation; in the roots...love, warmth, trust, charity, forgiveness, friendship. Mother Theresa on a Simple Path

"Circumstances do not make you...they reveal you" Wayne Dyer

What does the word "reveal" mean? To make known; disclose; divulge; unveil. Here I am revealing myself to the world, my true goddess within, my soul, my wisdom, my pain, my joy. My husband of 11 years and father of my beautiful 6 year old daughter Lily wants a divorce, saying he has never loved me or felt any passion or romance or connection; he's already found someone else. Now, what does this reveal about me? I don't care what it reveals about him. I'm done trying to figure that out. Where do I go from here? How do I proceed? Do I hate him and fight him and beg him? No f'ing way! I'm a goddess. I deserve love just as much as he does. Right? Is that what I'm telling myself?? Love of self must precede love of others. It can't happen any other way. The Universe always give us what we ask for...like attracts like!

When I step back and really, truthfully dwell on the last 11 years, was it all bliss? Was I just comfortable, not wanting to rock the boat? Was my ego saying, See, you failed again? No, the marriage was not all bliss. I won't give details, as they're not necessary, and the past is the past. I will keep moving forward, excited to explore ME, what I want from life, what darkness I need to shed light on, what stability I can FINALLY provide for my daughter.

"Faith makes a way where no way seems possible..."