Warrior Goddess

The Shambala Warrior is a gentle, nonviolent warrior. This warrior breaks down the walls encapsulating her heart. She's unafraid to dig deep inside and face what's there. She feels the power in groundlessness, uncertainty. In fact, the adventure excites her. She realizes this takes bravery and courage.

I'm slowly becoming that warrior, accepting it as a lifelong journey, a long road. I love with every ounce of energy I possess. I trust more deeply in the goodness of others and the Universe. I feel safe and supported. I invite you to join me on the exciting, glorious journey.

"Every moment is an opportunity for love and transformation."~unknown

All is as it should be!

Surrender...Trust...Have Faith...Let Go...Whatever words resonate with you. When we learn to surrender and get out of our own way, the Universe, God, fill in the blank, always takes care of us. What seems like an impossible situation, a painful challenge, a heartbreaking event suddenly unfolds as a magical experience to learn, grow, discover our true path. We must sit patiently, be present, breathe, and be open to whatever comes next. No judgment, no control, just loving kindness.

"I learn by going where I have to go."~Theodore Roethke

A New Year...A New You??

I don't believe the statement which is the title of this blog post today. It should read A New Year...The Real You...The Original You...The Forgotten You. On the path called life, we eventually will find we have come full circle, back to the divine, beautiful, perfect self. We all already possess everything we need. We've just forgotten or been brainwashed by the constant chatter (chitta vrita) in our minds.

One of my focuses of late has been to be the "observer," the "witness," of my thoughts. I've noticed that I don't even believe the old tape recordings that I continue to play over and over in my mind. We all become so programmed, tuned out, shut down to these thoughts. I've started noticing, hitting the stop button, then the erase button, and letting go and moving on. I'm not hard on myself so much anymore.

Do you still need to worry? Live in doubt? Fear? Can you trust? Do you believe? When is the last time you revisited these questions honestly, presently?

"Only I am responsible for what I think. It is at this leve that I exercise choice."

Finding Peace

I guess the title of today's blog describes where I've been for almost 2 months! Digging deep, reading books, meditating and doing volunteer work at Shambala Mountain Center, focusing on my beautiful daughter and gift, Lily, and being vulnerable:busting my heart wide open. The shift to groundlessness has occured; when I realize nothing is solid, nothing is stagnant, nothing is changeless. What a relief. All that struggle, attachment, high expectations, assumptions, fears...they've loosened their stranglehold grip on me and my mind. They have not totally vanished (goodness, I'm human!), but they've noticeably backed off. I realize I have absolutely nothing to lose, because I don't even own any of it in the first place.

Buddhists believe that we cause our own suffering, samsara, by believing things to be permanent, changeless. Freedom comes from just allowing, being, trusting.

It's nice to be back...but not on solid ground!

Truly Loving Life

I wrote "Celebrating Life" on my FB page today, just another way to state how amazing life is if we only take the time to truly just be in it and be grateful. I live in one of the most beautiful cities/states around, I have been blessed with an awesome daughter, amazing, big-hearted friends and family, I am financially stable, super fit, mentally healthy and truly a loving soul. I wear my heart on my sleeve and love people and am always giving them the benefit of the doubt. What's a "second" chance? I give third, fourth, fifth chances!! Why the hell not?

I also quoted Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. I know of him through my love of Pema Chodron, his student. I highly recommend ANY book by CTR. I happen to be reading Shambala, the Sacred Path of the Warrior. The path of the warrior has nothing to do with violence or fighting. It's exactly the opposite. It's about bravery and fearlessness, especially when it comes to loving ourselves and knowing just who we are and loving ourselves anyhow (which then of course makes it a piece of cake to love and be kind and accpeting to others). It's about kindness, gentleness, warmth, and celebrating life!

Yes, I am a warrior goddess. I'm brave, kind, loving, unafraid!

How Do You Respond To Discomfort?

This is one of my favorite questions. My favorite yoga teachers ask it in every class, several times throughout class. I ask my students in my indoor cycling classes (and plan to in all my yoga classes). The answer is very telling...and of course I'm not just referring to physical discomfort.

In yoga, when my quads are on fire, holding an asana, where does my mind go? Do I want to come out of it? Give up? Curse the instructor? Then do I beat myself up because of my decision? This is absolutely a metaphor for life. When things get uncomfortable, when "stuff" comes up, when things aren't going our way, how do we respond? Denial? Blame? Self-destruction? Shut down? Don the armor?

I'd like to encourage all of us to start trying, just trying, a different approach. How about staying in the asana, breathing hugely through the discomfort, repeating something beautiful and positive to yourself, being gentle and loving, experiencing fully the discomfort and letting go of the story.

I know, this takes so much trust and faith in ourselves, two emotions that don't come so easily for us. But what's the alternative? Repeating the pattern over and over, of course! And therefore not really "doing" yoga and certainly not "living" our yoga.

Paths Crossing

Do you ever wonder why some people come into our lives? I think about this a lot. It's very intriguing to me. I believe everyone is a teacher. I believe in past lives. Have we met these folks in another life, possibly in a different form? Will we keep meeting them in future lives until we finally learn the lesson they were meant to teach us? Isn't this great stuff to ponder? I think it's yummy, juicy, sweet. I, of course, am speaking of those folks we love, those we hate, those we connect with, and those that drive us crazy. They were brought into our lives for a purpose. Just think back...you'll find numerous examples of what I'm speaking of.

More recently, I've tried not to judge. What do I know of another's path? I try to put myself in the other's shoes. I try not to give up on them too easily. I'm feeling more compassionate and unconditional. It's so darn easy to judge, to convict, to blame. What if we stop for just a second and reconsider judgment and dismissal? All the more love we get to receive in return!!!

The opposite of samsara

Samsara is associated with suffering, or dukkha. It's a part of life. Avoiding it is futile. Dwelling in it, creating it: optional. The opposite of samsara is when the walls we've built crumble, our cozy cocoon disintegrates, and we are open to the magic of "whatever." We step into it, naked, vulnerable, like a child.

I so love the symbolism of child's pose in yoga. We step onto the mat, take child's pose, becoming open to whatever comes our way, feeling playful, letting it be the first time we've stepped onto the mat, a new, fresh, surprising experience every single time. Child-like, we have no judgment, no expectations, no competition, no fears. We get out of ours heads and into the miraculous.

I am a warrior goddess. My journey is uncertain, unknown, and exactly taking shape as it should.

WAHE GURU WAHE GURU WAHE GURU WAHE JIO

Strength From Within

So many people, especially women, ask me how I have been so strong or compliment me on being so strong in the face of the challenges of the last year and 3 months and ask me to please share my "secrets." Well, I don't have any "secrets." It's my divine purpose to share my experiences and knowledge to hopefully propel others from the depths of darkness into the light that's actually already within them but just a little cloud-covered!

Pssst, it's all in the thoughts. I can either tell myself negative things, keep repeating my story of misery and pain, over and over, or I can tell myself I'm amazing, I'm blessed, I'm beautiful inside and out, have so much to give, and keep opening my heart to all the goodness and love this world is sending me. Yes, negative thoughts (ego) find their way into my consciousness, but I don't have to believe them. I don't have to give them energy to build. I notice them and say, "Hmm, that's interesting, but I'm coming back to breath, coming back to what I KNOW is true."

Life is magical, amazing, powerful. It's that simple.

Heaven and Hell

A big, burly samurai comes to a Zen master and says, "Tell me the nature of heaven and hell." The Zen master looks him in the face and says, "Why should I tell a scruffy, disgusting, miserable slob like you? A worm like you, do you think I should tell you anything?"

Consumed by rage, the samurai draws his sword and raises it to cut off the master's head.

The Zen master says, "That's hell."

Instantly, the samurai understands that he has just created his own hell - black and hot, filled with hatred, self-protection, anger, and resentment. He sees that he was so deep in hell that he was ready to kill someone. Tears fill his eyes as he puts his palms together to bow in gratitude for this insight.

The Zen master says, "That's heaven."

The Goddess of Wisdom

"In youth we learn; in age we understand."~Marie Von Ebner-Eshenbach

Yes, I'm finally starting to "get it," this amazing school called Life, with its many lessons, if only for the awakened. Lately I've had this surreal sense of peace and understanding of the bigger picture, the universal consciousness. I now understand what is meant by being the witness. I can sit longer in silence, internal and external; my compassion and unconditional love is expanding; my ability to take it as it comes, without my input, is blossoming; I'm softening to what is. The Buddhists speak of egolessness. I definitely am not there, nor will I probably ever be, but I've glimpsed a tiny slice of what I think it means, and it's beautiful.

Through yoga and meditation, I'm learning to acknowledge my thoughts, without judgment or obsession, and then come back to just being here! Sigh...

Mother Theresa's Prayer

May today there be peace within yourself. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

Comfortable With Uncertainty

That's the title of a book by one of my favorite teachers, Pema Chodron, which I find myself immersed in. Now if I can just get comfortable with uncertainty! She tells me over and over again to remember it's a process, be gentle with myself, I'm beauty unfolding, I'm the lotus. (I've decided to get a lotus tatooted on my body...somewhere private, just for me.)

My divorce, after 11 years of marriage, was final last Monday, down slammed the gavel, chink-chink went the "official," certified stamp on the stacks of paper, all within 25 minutes! So strange, isn't it? Yes, there were tears (only shed by me, of course), yes, there's still some lingering anger at the lies and betrayal, but not so much so anymore as to hold me back. But there lingers that fear of the great unknown. I suppose someone going through divorce isn't alone in fear of the future. That's why I cut myself some slack for these feelings and just notice them instead of wallow in them.

Bodhichitta is defined as that jewel buried deep within us, our truth, our open heart. Pema says that although absolute bodhichitta is our natural state, we are intimidated by its unconditional openness. Our heart feels so vulnerable and tender that we fabricate walls to protect it. It takes work just to see the walls and a gentle approach to dismantling them. The key is to keep opening our hearts to suffering without shutting down.

Pema and Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche call all the situations in our lives, even the most mundane, "vehicles for awakening." And I'm in the driver's seat.

My Beautiful Lily

My daughter Lily is such a perfectly balanced little girl in so many ways. She loves hanging out with boys (yang), riding bikes, running hard and racing them. She loves getting dirty, digging for worms (she can't understand why her mom won't touch them), and playing with trucks.

Then there's the yin side of Lily. She loves baby dolls, is very nurturing, loves to wear jewelry and look pretty, and create masterpieces.

She's very sensitive, respectful, grateful, and quite spiritual. She got into a conversation with my mom, trying to convince her she should pray to the Buddha on my front porch!!

The flower name lily is a symbol of innocence and purity as well as beauty. Additionally, the lily symbolizes vulnerability and the freedom to be ourselves, as well as allowing others to be as they are too. What a perfect description of my treasured daughter.

She reminds me to be childlike. It’s not just about happiness and innocence either — being more childlike also helps us to be more creative, more imaginative, more innovative and open to worlds of possibilities. She lives in the present. There are no limits to her imagination. She's endlessly curious. She sees the world with new eyes. Every moment is a gift. What will we do with it? I'll hunt Lily down now (out playing with the neighbor twin boys) and thank her.

Blogging

Why do I blog? This is a question I have been asked before. I sat down and thought about it a bit recently.

To me it's just like journaling. Taking a look at what makes Juli tick, shining a light on the dark spaces instead of hiding them away, pretending they don't exist or will somehow disappear; highlighting and reminding myself of the goodness as well. It's a record for my daughter Lily of what her mother is actually like, her struggles, her triumphs, her craziness, her stability.

And if just one person is touched or somehow comforted or inspired by my words, then my blogging is a success!!

"Here is my soul. It's all I've got. It might not be much but it keeps me together."~Puddle of Mudd

Presence

"Can we make what lies ahead of us a better place to be?"~Sarah McLachlan

Yes, by being in the present moment, fully, deeply, soulfully, uninhibited.

"Independence" Day

I had a serious meltdown last week...my mom was visiting, helping me out with my daughter so I could get work done, exercise for my sanity, and be prepared for my yoga teacher training test-out. She's an incredible woman. She loves me with no strings attached. No, not all moms possess this quality! So thankfully she rubbed my shoulders as I screamed and cried and threw my tantrum. I'm sure it took her back, well, a gazillion years to my youth.

See, I'm a totally independent woman now. I'm a single mom, I found my own place to live, moved all my belongings, work 3 jobs, bought a new car, fix minor repairs, etc., etc. Last week my otherwise reliable car didn't start twice, I'm working double-time and have been in teacher training for 8 weeks, waking at all hours of the night and early morning teaching classes!! See, I was used to relying on another human being to help me through this sort of stuff. I had been for 11 years. Gone...Done...Over...Step up, Juli. And step up I have. But without an occasional tantrum (I also threw my car keys while in my car and have a nice spider crack in my windshield! Sweet!), how would I still convince myself I'm human? How would I continue to move forward? Simply put: I WOULDN'T.

I'm proud of myself. My daughter, my mom, and all my friends, male and female, are proud of me...and love me despite my occasional blowup! Wow, I think I CAN do this!

"I recently ran across a story about a Native American tribal leader describing his own inner struggles. He said, 'There are two dogs inside me. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time.' Someone asked him which dog usually wins. After a moment's reflection, he answered, 'The one I feed the most.'~Rabbi Harold S. Kushner

What an honor...I am a yoga teacher!

I first seriously came to practice yoga to heal; heal my wounds from a marriage ending; heal my broken heart; silence my chita vritis, or monkey mind; discover my inner beauty. I've fallen in love with my yoga practice, the ancient history behind yoga, the way my body feels (balanced and strong), the yoga sutras, the chakras, the vulnerability, my sangha, or yoga community, and the list goes on. I've been a teacher in the form of a coach and private trainer for years. Therefore the hunger in me to share the gift of yoga and discovery with others was only natural. As I feel my love of self growing and blossoming, I can freely demonstrate love to my students, basking in their yoga glow.

In a previous post I mentioned being present at the unfolding of my future students' discovery of their true, divine self. I can't imagine a more pure, profound gift to give this world. It's my own small part in the beautification of this wounded universe of souls.

"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow! Grow!'"~The Talmud

Teachers

Everyone and everything is our teacher, from the duck on the creek that I blogged about previously, to the driver that cut me off then proceeded to stop his car and scream at me, to my beautiful 7-year-old daughter, Lily, to my Maine Coon, Callie. Yes, there are ample opportunities for lessons, but if we're not aware, not present they are missed. They become one more overlooked opportunity for growth as we rush through life.

One of my teachers, Valerie, said her teacher's teacher said when something appears in our lives to just say "that's interesting," instead of labeling it bad, good, whatever. Ponder it, consider it instead of judging it and then say, what am I supposed to learn from this? There's usually a hidden gem that, with patience, will reveal itself.

yogassage

Yeah, I had no idea what that means and what I was in for before last night's class. Once again, it had everything to do with trust, vulnerability, and touch, all of which I've been spending the last year rebuilding. When your trust in someone is shattered, when you feel betrayed, it's all too easy to start constructing the walls, donning the armor, all the other ways we protect ourselves from feeling the pain again, sometimes unconsciously.

Yogassage is a way of helping, gently, tenderly, another yogi arrive into a posture. It's a massage to the shoulders to remind them to drop them away from the ears, pressure up and down the spine to help lengthen, opening the rib cage in supine twist to deepen it, and massaging and opening in final savasana to assist in pure relaxation and surrender. Then the most amazing posture of all: cradling my partner, Laura, in my arms and rocking her, as she did to me when we switched. When is the last time you felt that? As an infant (which I'm sure none of us remember) or a small child. We both cried! It felt amazing to have this pure, innocent, loving gesture. We all need and deserve TLC, especially as adults!

I tell myself every day, countless times a day, that I am so blessed. This teacher training has opened up my eyes and my heart to so many incredible experiences. My heart overflows with gratitude.

Virabhadrasana I ~ Warrior I

Virabhadrasana I, or Warrior I, is one of my favorite poses. I feel strong, yet challenged. When the palms are not touching, I'm expressing extreme gratitude. Virabhadra is the name of the warrior who is an incarnation of Shiva.

Let's take a look at the pose's metaphorical meaning—as is nearly always the case when considering Indian mythical lore. "The yogi is really a warrior against his own ignorance," Richard Rosen says. "I speculate that Virabhadrasana I is about rising up out of your own limitations."

Tim Miller, director of San Diego's Ashtanga Yoga Center, agrees. "Virabhadrasana's a humbling posture," he says. "If you attempt to stay in it for any length of time, you'll confront your own bodily, emotional, or mental weaknesses. Whatever limitations you have, the pose will reveal them so that they can be addressed." It's about triumph of the spirit!

It's okay to be neurotic

Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves, our own judge and jury, myself included. If we lose our tempers, yell at our children, swear at another driver and flip them off (I just had to include that for a friend of mine!), we think we're bad, a bad parent, a rotten spouse, friend, fill in the blank. I had a conversation with my friend Max tonight, wherein he reminded me that it's okay to be neurotic. We slip in and out of neuroses, and it's perfectly natural. Here are some words to describe neurotic!:
anxiety, sadness or depression, anger, irritability, mental confusion, low sense of self-worth, etc., behavioral symptoms such as phobic avoidance, vigilance, impulsive and compulsive acts, lethargy, etc., cognitive problems such as unpleasant or disturbing thoughts, repetition of thoughts and obsession, habitual fantasizing, negativity and cynicism, etc. Interpersonally, neurosis involves dependency, aggressiveness, perfectionism.

Boy, haven't we all experienced one (or more than one!) of these before, if not multiple times, in our lives? Guess what? It's OKAY...We're human. We're in tune enough to not get stuck. We let the feelings engulf us and then move on. We don't convince ourselves that nothing is more important than the stuck place we find ourselves in (our neuroses!)

Now open your arms wide, then wrap them around to the back of your shoulder blades and squeeze tightly. Give yourself a loving hug and be grateful for your neuroses, every damn one of them.

Gratitude...for EVERYTHING

I've had the most amazing week of yoga and running. I'm so in tune on the mat, on the trail to my body, my breath, my being. How did this happen? Openness!! I made the choice, I made the decision. I claimed my power. I'm learning not to let that fucking ego take over and try to convince me those "stories" are true, my "baggage" is heavy. One of my favorite tattoo covered (beautiful soul) yoga instructors, Stephen, starts class by saying, "You are an amazing human being. You deserve happiness." I finally honestly believe him.

"With arms wide open under the sunlight"~Creed~ I'm expressing my gratitude with my arms and heart wide open under the stellar Colorado sunlight.

Gettin' upside down (and those tricky arm balances)

Wednesday night was filled with more group practice teaching, (we test out in 2 weeks! I will be a certified yoga teacher in 2 weeks! A dream come true, thanks to you, my generous friends)then playtime with Matt, a mini workshop in inversions and arm balances. As you all know, strength (both mentally and physically) has rarely been a quality that I lack. Fear, on the other hand, is another story.

I've been working on overcoming my fear of being upside down. Well, actually, getting upside down. Will I fall over? Hurt myself? Land on someone and hurt them? The king of asanas, the headstand or sirsasana, is one of the most powerfully beneficial postures for both body and mind. It is largely a matter of conquering your fears and believing you can do it. B.K.S. Iyengar says in his section on sirsasana in Light on Yoga, "The best way to overcome fear is to face with equanimity the situation of which one is afraid."

Wednesday night, I put my head between my hands, lifted my feet off the floor, and was in a headstand before I even had time to think about it! It was so frickin' easy! Handstand is another story...still working on that one. But my fears surrounding handstand have lessened now as well. Masaru Emoto said, "When your heart is open to possibilities, you start to notice small things that can lead to enourmous discoveries." "What we imagine in our mind becomes our world."

If we approach life (and inversions and arm balances) with playfulness and an open heart, with no attachment to the outcome, imagine the possibilities! Sat Nam

Green Tara

I have this picture of Green Tara hanging on my wall in my home. Goddess Tara is a female Buddha (although she originated in Hinduism) and meditational deity. She is considered to be the goddess of universal compassion who represents virtuous and enlightened activity.

She is believed to help her followers overcome dangers, fears and anxieties, and she is especially worshipped for her ability to overcome the most difficult of situations. Green Tara is intensely compassionate and acts quickly to help those who call upon her.

One legend of Tara is that she was born from the compassionate tears of Avalokiteshvara, the Buddha of compassion.

She is a constant reminder to me to act compassionately, with unconditional love. And of course she holds my favorite flower, the lotus, in her hands.

Breeze

One of my fellow yoga teacher trainers heard this line in a song called Breeze. How appropriate for the path of service ahead:

This recording is by Xavier Rudd with Izintaba and it's called Koonyum Sun. The song is called Breeze.

"You will breeze in, fresh air that you are, and they will inhale you deep into their lungs. They will exhale you as far as you will go, and you will touch their souls."

I will savor these words...

Sanskrit, the ancient language of yoga

Yesterday we had the pleasure of a Sanskrit workshop with Dr. Ktyayani Poole. She's been studying this beautiful vibrational language for 20 years. See, with Sanskrit, the healing power is in the vibration that is emitted when the words are spoken. What we think is solid is actually waves of vibration, sound. At the base of everything there are only vibrating strings, which produce energy and remove obstacles. Just like my favorite Hindu God, Lord Ganesh, the remover of obstacles. There is a line of energy in the body that matches the way we move into a posture! Therefore, saying the name of a pose in Sanskrit sends a current of energy through your body, matching the way we move into a pose. Amazing!

A little bit about chanting mantras (which I do DAILY). Mantra means to expand the mind. The mind is not separate from the body. Breath follows the mind/body follows the breath. The goal of this is to not be a slave to the judgmental mind, end the "turning of the mind," like a wheel, and to get a glimpse of your true, beautiful, divine self, without judgment or color. And yoga is an education in watching the mind.

Is it so miraculous how this all ties together? I'm so happy to be able to share this knowledge with my friends. This is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I plan to further my education as I continue down this path. Om shanti shanti peace namaste

Touch...Trust...Surrender...Bliss

Last Wednesday night we had 3 hours of partner yoga, which changed my life, opened my heart, deepened my faith and trust in the human spirit. All five senses were awakened. I saw with my heart rather than my eyes. I was able to observe another (therefore myself) with my whole being.

This was an incredibly intimate experience for me (and my partner, Daria, a lovely woman that's in teacher training with me). We stood a foot apart and stared into each other's eyes, no looking away, seeing the depth of the beautiful soul just a foot in front of us. Then we touched palms, closed our eyes, and experienced the gift of just touch, the energy that the other was emitting. Then we moved into poses, back to back, hip to hip, butt to butt, "flying," totally trusting the other would and could support us. Then a back to back meditation. I could feel her heartbeat, feel her breathing. My mind did not wander. It was empty...Samadhi! (meaning free from thoughts) I had truly surrendered. I was at peace.

The power of touch has the ability to change all of us. Touch is good! Touch is a natural act. We exude compassion with every touch.

"When we surrender what we are not, we come into balance with what we are."~a Core Power Teacher Trainee

A trip to the cadaver lab!

As part of teacher training, we take a trip to a cadaver lab. What do those bones, muscles, tendons, ligaments, organs, etc., involved in our asanas ACTUALLY look like? I've had weeks to ponder what my reaction might be upon seeing a cadaver, smelling the lab, touching the various parts. I truthfully felt open-minded and open-hearted. No expectations, just anticipation. I have always had a fascination with the human body. I've been a private trainer, a coach, and an accomplished athlete. I marvel at this incredible structure we call home. I've judged people that don't respect and take care of their bodies. I've asked so much of my body, and it has just kept giving, luckily with no injuries.

I drove three other ladies from class down to the lab; some were nervous, scared, some just like me, no expectations. We laughed and joked and shared on the ride as well, most likely to loosen up!

We were greeted by Todd Garcia, the owner of the lab. I felt the gentleness of this man's soul as soon as we made eye contact. He gives all the cadavers names. They're not just a number to him. He calls "dying" their "transition." He treated these bodies with the utmost respect and pleaded with us to do the same. Keikie, one of my classmates and friends, said, what would it be like to be a master at your trade, like this gentleman sincerely was.

He then proceeded to slowly, gently, pull one bone at a time out of the large metal box...everything wrapped in plastic and towels. We started with a knee cap! No whipping the sheet off the body to expose the entire cadaver, which most likely would have caused a few in the room to faint. We started with the lower extremities and moved upward. We wore rubber gloves and were allowed to touched and move every bone and joint. Amazing!

Then came the entire body, skin, muscles, organs, totally dissected. It takes 1000 hours to prepare one body. The work is meticulous, slow, honorable. Once again, we saw and touched every muscle and organ in the body. I won't go into detail, but the human body is mind blowing. All the intricate parts that have their place, yet they work together in such synchronicity.

All of us realized the ridiculousness of placing such emphasis on outer beauty. On the inside, friends, we all look the same, once the skin is peeled away. We are all truly beautiful, magnificent, perfect.

What a gift I was given to be able to visit a cadaver lab. I thanked Todd, our host, and Francis, Matthew, Michael, and Vincent for donating their bodies so that other may have this incredible opportunity to learn.

"If anything is sacred, the human body is sacred.”~Walt Whitman

To lead forth or draw out

The Latin term for educate is educere, meaning to lead forth or draw out. Being a yoga teacher means, then, to help my students discover what's already inside themselves...the beauty, the perfection, the divinity. These qualities have been layered over by years of stories, painful experiences, role playing.

I have my favorite teachers, not because of the music they play, how hard their class is, but by how they challenge me to look at my life! I appreciate that quality in my teachers and aspire to play that role in the lives of my future students.

What role can I play in the newly discovered self that walks off the mat???

Week 2/3

This past weekend we broke down the balancing series, Eagle (Garudasana), Dancer (Natarajasana), and Tree (Vrksasana), three things of beauty, strength, and grace. I see the correlations here to our lives, the balance, the strength combined with grace. That's what yoga does. It helps one start seeing. And I don't mean looking. I mean really seeing, genuinely experiencing, and being totally in the presence of magnificence. And then remembering to express profound gratitude.

Then came more fascinating anatomy last night and answering 1 of 4 journal questions. I decided to go with what change in myself do I want to make or am I currently making. Here's my answer: Acceptance, letting go of control, and trusting in the Universe's plan for me.

As you all know, I'm going through a divorce. Within the last 4-5 months, I have finally and honestly let go of the situation and have seen there is a plan for me. I am not in charge of the "how" it all plays out. Everything has truly grown from here, this starting point. I find myself able to do this in so many other aspects of my life; new relationships, existing relationships, the scary and unknown parts of my future. What a frickin' relief!! I'm letting go of the results and embracing the process. And when I let go, I make space for something better!

The Buddha said spiritual practice is like a boat we use to cross the river of suffering. When we get to the other side, we must be willing to get out of the boat. I got out of the boat. Peace and love to you.

The Wondrous Human Body

"The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in." ~B.K.S. Iyengar

Continuing on the yoga journey, we could not be teachers of a practice involving movement with grace without a study of anatomy, the physical makeup of the body. "Learning the relationship of the systems of the body helps us understand the body more intimately and opens our minds to the magnificent interplay of our physical being." ~David Abookire (our fantastically intelligent anatomy lecturer!)

I'm told our goal as teachers becomes efficency of movement, almost effortless movement. When our bodies work too hard, we fight ourselves, and we're no longer doing yoga. Yoga is the road home to a better understanding...of our bodies, ourselves, our minds.

Our anatomy lessons are sparking a renewed wonder, amazement, and respect for these beautiful temples where we house our souls.

The Four "E"s

My first week of yoga teacher training is behind me. Here's the four Es: Excitement, education, envelopment, EXHAUSTION! I have taken too numerous to count yoga classes, but memorizing Suryanamaskar A and B (just the first two series!), all the poses, the breath, and three cues for each pose, I find mentally exhausting! This is not a complaint! I love it. It's humbling. I'm kicking that sneaky ego in the pants, proclaiming, I'm perfect right where I am! I also willingly admit to LOVING practicing yoga three times on the weekend. The group of students is lovely, caring, gentle. I'm in good hands.

"Tell me and I'll forget. Show me and I'll remember. Involve me and I'll understand." ~Confucius

On becoming a "student" again

I put student in quotes because we are all students, every minute of every day, as there are myriad lessons to be learned if we'd only open our minds to the humbling notion that we don't know everything!

At my first yoga teacher training class last night, we (all 26 of us!) were asked to follow a few simple "rules" for success. I think these "rules" are universal and, simply put, the keys to a happy, bountiful life. They basically have to do with not judging others, self, not competing, showing respect, committing, communicating. Looks pretty easy on paper, doesn't it?

We were asked to let go of our (attachment to!!)expectations, remember that a teacher exists in every experience, be humble, to take what works and leave the rest...and finally, what we decide to give is what we ultimately get back.

So if you decide to be brave, step out of your comfort box, and follow me on my journey, take what works for you and leave the rest. Don't judge me. Just send me unconditional love and support. I promise, it will come back to you. Peace!

The door is cracked...rays of light stream through

Tonight I start on an (expectantly) amazing journey into yoga, my yoga, which will become your yoga. As I get older and wiser, there's a yearning to serve. I could have taken no other path. I see that now, clearly.

I wrote this quote on my FB page this morning: "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."~ Helen Keller

The door to magic and mystery has been opened for me. I just need walk through it with an open heart and mind...starting this evening. I have no fear!

I am honored to share this journey with my friends, the ones that made this all possible. So check back here when and if you feel inspired to follow along on my magnificent journey.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti (peace) Namaste

Spring

The seeds were planted...who knows when...who knows why. That's not for me to mess with or second-guess. I just know that now the beautiful, strong shoots are appearing out of the darkness(the soil). I was meant to have a better life, a magnificent, glorious life, one I never would have had before the seeds were planted...The Universe is honorable.

From Striving to Arriving

To go with the drift of things
To yield with a grace to reason
To bow and accept the end
Of a love or of a season ~ Robert Frost

I know that my wholeness comes from within

Is Anger Healthy or Unhealthy?

I have been wrestling with this question lately. Yes, that's where I am right now in the process of my healing. Everyone keeps cautioning me that I'm too nice...let the anger run its course...don't supress the anger...

So, I did a little research. Here's some words I found meaningful:

As I mentioned in a previous post, anger has its roots in fear. When expressing it, many are covering up the deeper rooted emotion of fear. But we have to look inside, a scary thing, to figure out what we are afraid of.

Here's a positive spin. Anger can be an excellent way to eliminate stress, get hidden agendas out in the open, vent feelings of discouragement, pain, grief or just old-fashioned frustration. Holding back on these causes stress and too numerous to mention emotional and physical ailments. The flip-side to this issue is the damage caused in the heat of the moment, words we cannot take back, pain we've caused another. Be aware that sometimes these words are a direct reflection of our own unresolved stuff!

One other aspect of anger, or any emotion that we need to get into the open, is that when we are angry we are actually giving power over our own emotions to someone or something else. Yikes! Not very liberating!

So, I go back to the breath. We all can feel anger building. Notice it, don't judge it, breathe, acknowledge it.

Journal about it. Write a letter that you never intend to send. Call a friend. Get back to nature. Throw glass at the recycle center. But don't supress it and pretend it's not real. Start asking yourself some pretty deep questions. Tune in. You're beautiful just the way you are!

From Conversations With God by Neale Donald Walsch

"You are in the process of experiencing yourself by creating yourself anew in every single moment. Life will take off for you, then, when you choose for it to...All you see in your world is the outcome of your idea about it."

Smile! Laughter! Fun!

Here's a fact that EVERYONE should know: It takes 12 facial muscles to smile and 11 to frown. Despite the fact that smiling uses more muscles, it takes less effort than frowning; people tend to smile more frequently, so the relevant muscles are in better shape!

A smile and laughter just make your day sparkle, don't they? I'm trying to remind my students in cycle class to smile! Yes, I remind them, the hard work is uncomfortable, but aren't we here on this planet to have fun? Doesn't it feel good to sweat, get fit, see progress? Isn't that fun? You know, I quit racing triathlon last year because I just wasn't having fun anymore. I was too serious (ego), too regimented, too forced.

Smile at at least 3 people tomorrow, not including yourself! Really, don't take yourself so seriously...nobody else does!

“When you have a rainbow deep down in your heart, your smile will shine bright."~unknown

Yoga and Meditation

Yoga has changed my life; well, actually, I have changed my life through what I have learned by doing yoga and meditation. I am forever grateful to the amazing teachers that have impacted my life: Tunde, Stephen, Trista, Valerie, and of course Richii Jai.

I am reciting from Yoga: Discipline of Freedom, The Yoga Sutra Attributed to Patanjali Translated by Barbara Stoler Miller. "At the heart of all meditative practice in Asia is what Indians call yoga, the system that 'yokes' one's consciousness to a spiritually liberating discipline. In his Yoga Sutra the ancient Indian philosopher Patanjali presents us with the possiblity of complete psychological transformation through the discipline of yoga." RIGHT ON, Patanjali!!! I am a living, breathing example of this transformation! Of course that transformation is still a work-in-progress, but I can't imagine where I would be in my life right now, at this very beautiful, precious moment without my yoga practice and teachers. (they remind me always, it's yoga PRACTICE, not yoga PERFECT...metaphor for life???)

Friendship

I had four of my dearest friends over to my new home for dinner last night, in appreciation for the amazing women that they are and all that they have done for me and Lily in the last 9 months. And I plan to do it more often. I have so many wonderful friends, I could have filled a house 4 times the size of my small, quaint apartment. I thank God every day for this blessing.

These four women light up the room when they enter. They give of themselves without asking for anything in return. They listen, truly listen, and offer advice when appropriate. They lead busy lives, raising children, earning a living, and still finding the time to be amazing friends to those they love. I've realized over the last several months how important it is to nurture friendships. I've learned so much from all the strong, yet soft, compassionate women in my life.

Did you know if you lay on your back and place one hand on your belly and one on your heart you're tapping into the third and fourth chakras, balancing strength (belly) and compassion (heart)? Yin/Yang, my friends. As women, we need to find that balance.

"A friend gives hope when life is low. A friend is a place when you have nowhere to go. A friend is honest. A friend is true. A friend is precious, and that, my friend, is you."

Change=Growth...Growth=Change

One of my favorite yoga instructors wrote that on her FB page recently. It really got me thinking about the meaning of those two words used interchangeably in such a fashion.

I've written before that the only constant is change...the seasons change, our faces change as we look in the mirror, our moods change, our relationships change, our children change. You get the picture. As we honestly look at the changes occurring or that have occurred in our lives, haven't we grown in some way, shape or form? Even if the change is/was painful, didn't we learn something about ourselves, our habits, our weaknesses, our strengths?

And as we grew through these challenges and lessons, didn't we change? Aren't we different, even in some small way? Aren't we more loving, compassionate, patient, accepting, wiser?

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom"~ Anais Nin